Sometimes we find it difficult to trust another person with our hearts, this is especially true in a new relationship. How can we overcome our trust issues to open ourselves up to trusting and loving another human being? Marriage problems having to do with trust issues are extremely common and having difficulties in this area can be the difference between success and failure in a relationship, so it is first very important to identify where these issues are coming from.

You need to first figure out if you are just feeling insecure, or if your spouse is exhibiting some sort of behavior that is helping to foster your distrust.In either case, you must work to fix these issues because they can be the death of any marriage if they are allowed to linger without being addressed. I personally had been cheated on in my past, and honestly had cheated in past relationships. When I entered the relationship with my current husband, I vowed to change my behavior and to never have cheating become an issue. There have been times in the past that I have worried that he might cheat, but then I realized that putting extra energy into this thought was not serving either of us.

I have vowed to myself to always trust my husband and to believe that he is doing the right thing, until I have a real reason not to. Running around worrying about where he is and who he is talking to is to say the least a very immature attitude. In order to have an adult relationship with your spouse, you must believe in your heart that everything will be okay.

You must trust implicitly the fact that your spouse will be true to you, and locking him up and not allowing him to speak to women, will not stop him from cheating if that is what he is going to do. It is my experience that doing this will just encourage lying and deceit, as your spouse is going to speak to members of the opposite sex, but if he knows it bothers you, then he just may avoid telling you about it. This can be worse because then you don’t really know what is going on with him.

Encourage open, honest communication with your spouse and allow them to tell you about things that happen. Feel comfortable enough with yourself and your husband to listen to him and not pass judgment on the situation. Distrust will eat away at your marriage, so try to address these issues as they arise and you will find that you have a healthier, happier relationship because of it.

It happens to the best of us. Communication is such a fickle thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred every so often, especially when feelings are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.

This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. My partner told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper, that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don’t know the first place to begin searching.

Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? “You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better”

I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I’m very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to “organize yourself better” really hurt.

I don’t expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that “I don’t expect you to cook my dinner every night” was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.

So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.

Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.

When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.

We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.

A good lesson to learn, even for the experts…

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