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Part Two!
The situation became un-bearable to my mother; she started making arrangements for alternative wife who’ll help to procreate the children irrespective of our happiness. Crises crept into our marriage; my wife would think that I’m on the side of my parents to bring in a new wife. As the man at the centre of the crises, I was boxed in between and a solution was not in sight quickly.
In one of the occasions my mother brought a beautiful lady who had a son,(outside wedlock) and introduced her to me as my wife to be! The proposal includes accepting the child as part of my family and making him my son. She said that if only I would agree to marry the lady with the child, she would go ahead to conclude all marital rites.
In the same vein, she approached my wife to accept the young woman as her mate (second wife) in the family. In fairness to her, all efforts were geared toward finding solutions to achieve the objective of the “big family.” Both sides of the in-laws have their opinion and parts to play to actualize their ideals. They are not ready to sheathe their sword until the arrival of their grandchildren, as the saying goes” Where two elephants fights” it is the grass that suffers”. That was how best I could describe what our marriage went through just because we could not bear children in time to fill the expectations of our families.
My wife and I, were incurring the wrath of the family (extended) members by our insistence to wait for God’s appointed time.
SAVED SITAUTION
The situation started affecting my relationship with my wife. Whenever this matter comes for discussion, it tends to tear us apart. Because one of us will try to take sides with one parent’s position. The issue of childlessness is very strong in our society. The woman can not be left out. She bears the burden squarely. She is at the centre of the debacle, she bears the brunt. If care is taken, she may be replaced by a (suggestive divorce) more fruitful woman by her in-laws. They are most times not willing to wait too long or having any kind of patience, even if it has been advised by the experts to be patient and wait!
Considering the years we’ve been in marriage without a child and my position in the family made it more difficult, it becomes imperative that solution must be found. It behooves my wife to become also desperate for solution.
She started consulting for solutions on the matter which took her to pastors with different spiritual dimensions and doctors. While my mother was frantically making arrangements to get a new wife for her only son, nothing was to be spared.
But mission accomplished was the watch word. Take note; what was upper-most in the mind of my mother is generational continuity and quest to keep the family name, our happiness was not taken into consideration at all.
The problem of a childless marriage can not be over emphasized; we suffered severally in the hands of solution-givers who had ways to get our finances. They failed to live up to the expectations or to their promises. In this kind of situation, spending is not budgeted.
You are expected to respond to any recommendation brought- about as a solution to the problem, irrespective of your financial standing. I can not forget what one of the doctors’ who diagnosis my wife told us, that she was having pituitary tumor. But it a wrong diagnosis, because other doctors who later had a more comprehensive diagnosis, found no tumor.
While we’re looking for solutions for conception, we resolved to adopt children who are now part of our family. Initially there we’re oppositions to this idea but when they found out that both myself and my wife we’re not willing to yield to their pressure, it behooves them to accept our proposal, hence that has defeated the initially idea of bringing another woman(second wife) into our home just because we could have children of our own in time.
My advice to couples who find themselves in this kind of situation is that they should tighten their bond of love for one another. There should not be bulk-passing. They should swim-together in the problems that were facing them. Once those opposing them finds out that they were not united in love and not having a common purpose to fighting the raging enemy, they would tear them apart and have their ways. Couples have difficulty in childbearing should making time to exhaust all the medical solutions avail to them.
Men should not stick to their un-compromising attitude, which always brand women as the guilty party in this case. Both of them should submit themselves to medical check-ups/ laboratory diagnosis to one-sided action.
Often time’s women are traumatized on the issue of delayed child-bearing, without checking out the facts of the matter on both sides. While you’re looking for solution do not forget to seek God’s hand to help you,.
If you have further response to this article, please feel free to drop us a few line. Your questions will be welcomed!
Prince Vincent.