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Marriage Magnifies Our Personal Tendencies.

Each of us enters marriage with established spending habits and expectations about our future lifestyle. Prior to marriage were you ever debt-free? If your answer is no, your natural tendency probably was to overindulge, perhaps your philosophy was eat “eat, drink, and be merry! “You thought that somehow the money would always be there. Believing yourself to be deserving, it was all too easy to use credit cards and get home equity loans and lines of credit instead of budgeting and balancing your checkbook.

If you were responsible over indulger, you settled your debts. If you were responsible immense debit, which you eventually tried to escape again by acquiring yet more debt or by filing bankruptcy. Regardless of your style, as an over indulger, you no doubt faced incredible emotional stress, reduced flexibility, and restricted freedom. Perhaps you became a workaholic.

Often over indulgers marry under indulgers who perceived themselves one step away from financial disaster at all points in time. The underindulger uses money as a guarantee that there is “enough.” How much does it take to feel secure? The underindulger always feels like it will take a little bit more to feel safe and secure. So he or she becomes stingy and hoards and stockpiles all financial assets. While appearing responsible, under indulgers often deny themselves or their mate the basic necessities of life. They can’t really enjoy what they have.

If one mate is an over indulger and the other is an u8nderrindulger, a dangerous pattern will be established. It becomes like a precocious child who is joined in marriage to a withholding, critical parent. Neither partner really chooses to be adult and responsible. Double standards create resentments. One mate may overindulge him or herself and under indulge the spouse. Enough is never enough for both the overindulger and the underindulger.

Responsible adult choices lie at the balance point between overindulging and under indulging. Both of you have something to contribute to your relationship. The underindulger takes care of the necessities, and the overindulger who is generous and more impulsive demonstrates that it is okay to enjoy money. Both of you will need to give a little for the good of your relationship.

What are your spending habits? Rate yourself. Place an “x” where you think you fit on the following continuum: