Part two;

By Prince Vincent

DECISION TO SUCEED

I said to myself, (Vincent) you must succeed in your marriage, though your parents have failed.  No matter what your parent’s marriage life-styles may be, you must distinguish yourself. My decision to be different from my background helped me to treat these ladies that came my-way or I dated thereafter, with fairness. I treated them like the queens they were in my life. I have never lifted a hand upon a lady, because I swore not to be part of such evil/ ill-treatment. Even right now, when ever I leant of any woman who has been battered by a man, my heart is pained. While I was un-married,
I made lists of matters that would not be part of our marriage, hence I met my wife. I want to testify to the glory of God, that since our marriage in May 29th 1992. We have never fought over any mater (battery), neither have I lifted my hand upon her as to show my masculinity. Yes we had to disagree in some matters but not to the extent of physical assault. I developed a way to express my dis-likes, without causing dis-affection or commotion.
As a man of the family, I remembered when we got married newly; it was not easy for us go to through the process of integration and fussing into one body judging from our different background.
Because I was determined to make my marriage work, so every impediment was resisted with love as a pivot. Take for instance a situation where I had to be the one to plead with my wife, whenever we had misunderstandings, even if she was the one at fault. I realized she was finding it difficult to say “I’m sorry”. But that did not bother me hence I was determined to save my marriage. It was possible that her attitude was as a result of her background. I reasoned that she could be coming from similar background like mine, and may not have taken time to appraise or counsel herself on the matter. Therefore she needs my patience and understanding to make amends.
Some situations wanted me to express a kind of regret in the union, but each time I remembered my resolve to make the difference between my marriage and my parent’s
marriage’ I was motivated.
My advise to couples is that they must be determined to say no” to matters fighting to destroy their marriages. No matter what the marriage counselors would advise, it is in their power to accept or not to accept. The best result comes from what they decided to do with the advise given, One of them must be ready to make the scarifies to succeed. The couple had power of their own to determine what fate holds for their marriage.

At the beginning of my marriage I had challenges of different factors, especially the ones based on some information concerning my background which my wife had pick-up from my kinsmen/family relations.
Some of them intentionally wanted to create bases for crisis in the new union. While some wanted to fore-warn her on what to expect from me, knowing that the off-springs of a leopard’ll not fail to have spot. If you put yourself in the shoe of my wife, tell me, what’ll you do with those various challenging/harmful infomations? Definitely it will impact on your marriage negatively.

Yes you may want to ignore these informatio9ns at first, but if any incident or behaviour from your wife reminds you of those imformations, then she would   play-it-up as a weapon in your hands, which would be injurious to the marriage.
But I knew where the problems we’re coming from; hence I decided to handle the situation with tact. I discussed the matter with my wife open-heartedly on the subject matter, and put all her fears to rest.
I made her my friend to whom I may discuss all things, irrespective of how odd they may be. I gave her first-hand information concerning my family background, so that whatever information she may pick from “poke-nosier” will not be news to her ears any longer.

Your background may be like mine, it is possible you have suffered more consequences than me as result of your parent’s marital style; nevertheless, you can rebuild your marriage today and save yourselves the catastrophe of divorce. You can recreate that fantasy in your heart and make it to work in your marriage.
I’m presently living happily with my wife in marriage, we urge you do all in your powers to put away crisis and put on in its’ entirety, flourishing love. Please feel free to discuss any matter that will help save your marriage with me.

Thanks,

Prince Vincent

Part one

By Prince Vincent

In the context of what I’m discussing, I would wish to define a “home as a nucleus training centre for marriages which produces great effect on the off-springs.
Growing children are always looking -up at their parents as role-models.  While they were growing-up in their families, we assumed that they’re equally under-going an in-house training for marriage.
But whether what they learn will impacts positively or negatively on their marriages in future is a question for another day. Whatever they pick from their parents as marital behaviors will definitely have an influence on them in future. In my case, I indeed went through the same in-house – marriage- training centre. My environment presented me with negative influences, but I should have picked the negative aspect as my behavioral heritage from my parents, since that was what was available to me. But I decided to jettison the marriage behavioral training I pick-up from my parents (family) because it would rather put nail on the coffin of my marriage than to make it work.
I’m going to let you into my background. My parents were not the best couples, but when I became aware of my environment, I realized that the way they were relating to each other we’re far from being friendly and what married life  should look like.
There were incidence of hatred, fighting, battery, and general lack of affection in the home which extended and affected even the children.

My mother was severally manhandled by my father. They could not have been a role model for any anticipating couple, especially a young- star like me, who detested every  ill-treatment to my mother. They had several quarrels caused by minor issues.
I won’t forget in a hurry, how my mother’s head was broken with a burnt-brick (block) by my father just because she asked for money to barbe my hair; that brought the stone crashing upon her head.
She was hospitalized and police was brought into the matter, but our big (extended) family intervened and they sued for peace reconciliation because the off-springs of the union. With all that has happened in my parents’ marriage, it became oblvious that my perception of marriage has been soiled. My young mind was engolfed with fear of what step to take and would not end-up as a failure in marriage like my parents. In my understanding, marriage based on my parents attitude/experience, is bound to fail. I was almost deciding not to be involved in marriage.

On my becoming a man and thinking of getting married or re-considering my earlier stand, the issue of my parents’ relationship became a thing of concern again. Those who knew our family would think that I’m going be a replica of my father in character. Yes, some have already made-up their minds on me, and became advocates/protectors of my would-be wife.
It is not amusing how some people who knew us (our family) went to my- would- be in-laws to inform them of what awaits their daughter, should they allow her to marry me. Some relationships I had, collapsed as result of my parent’s stinking marriage.

This fact threw a challenge to me. I then decided to prove every body wrong, by charting a new course for my life. All the evil behaviors which characterized my parent’s marriage were the things I was determined not be associated with.
I took this decision to prove that I could be whatever I’m determined to, but not what people think I should be. A saying goes that “A leopard can not be without spots”. It has been proven wrong in my case.